Obstacle Course

Life resembles nothing so much as an obstacle course sometimes. You really do have to be careful of what you wish for, just in case you get it. All I wanted one year ago was to get a chance to do my Master's. Its besides the point I hoped it would be at Oxford or Columbia, but I did get (more or less) what I desired. And once I got here, it hasn't been the best ride. What is it in us that makes us idealize our dreams? I guess that's why they're called dreams. Aberystwyth hasn't exactly been the place I envisaged it to be. And to top everything I've spoiled things. Bigtime. The bitterest (is that even a word?) pill to swallow is that it'll be no one's fault but my own if what remained of my dream collapses because I was too stupid to do things the way they're supposed to be done.

Its also true that I've started thinking beyond studying. Now all I want is a good-ish job, friends and the 'good life'. I think that's a result of watching way too many sitcoms. But the whole comfort thing of having a group of people to have coffee with, who share things with you and aren't afraid to tell you what they really think about anything... while you get satisfaction in working at a place that you know will take you somewhere better. Is that too much to ask for?

I'm not doing the best job of telling myself what it is that I want. This doesn't make too much sense. I suppose the problem is also that I haven't yet found my niche. What's my passion? I want to work in an industry that I care deeply about and I'm good at. But... what is it that I'm that good at? That passionate about??? I have no idea... and its high time I found out. There isn't that much time left to experiment anymore...